I have a confession. We fooled you all. We knew ahead of time that we would be celebrating one week with our baby today instead of his birth. While I would have loved an April Fool's baby, I am just happy that he is here and healthy with me today. Here goes the whole story. Whew, it's probably going to get lengthy! Like really lengthy... Also, I totally understand that if you haven't had a baby a lot of this probably won't make much sense. I remember reading birth stories and didn't know what dilation or all the talk of centimeters and percentages was. But I'm not going to take the time to explain it. Someday hopefully you'll understand!
This whole pregnancy was a piece of cake. I really can't relate to any of the pregnancy woes. And yes, I know how incredibly lucky I am. I had maybe a total of ten nights where sleep was a little more difficult, I only threw up three times (which were all mine own fault), had minor heartburn a few times, only gained 25 pounds, no stretch marks and never hit the swelling stage. Hence, when I got to the doctor at my 38 week check up and was told she wanted to induce me I was shocked. I wasn't at that "I'm-so-uncomfortable-get-this-baby-out-of-me" stage. Or anywhere near it! The whole time my stomach was measuring mostly on track, a little on the small side. At 37 weeks my belly measured 36 cm but she wasn't concerned. But, at 38 weeks as soon as she had the tape measure out I could see on her face that something wasn't right. My belly had shrunk to 34 cm. She sent me in to do an ultrasound and everything seemed to be checking out just fine and I was feeling better about things. The baby was estimated at only 5 lbs 11 oz which is in the 11 percentile. Fine by me, I love little babies. The doctor came back in after she had looked at the results and confirmed that everything looked healthy. Hence my shock when her next words were, "I'd like to induce you at 39 weeks."
My heart sank and oh how I wished I wasn't alone at that point. I was glad the nurse wasn't in there and it was just the two of us. She's LDS as well and somehow that was the little bit of comfort that I needed at that time. She could then tell by the look on my face that that was not what I wanted to hear. Her reasoning wasn't just that the baby was small, but that the baby was no longer growing at the rate it should and it would be healthier to be out of the womb than in it. It was also a preventative measure in case the placenta was detaching or anything like that. I get it, I want a healthy baby, but it was just a shocking surprise after having no issues this entire time. And I just wasn't convinced that this was the best option. We ended the conversation with her saying she'd be praying that I'd go into labor on my own before then, but that her nurse would be setting up an appointment for me to begin the induction process at 7:00 p.m. on Monday March 24.
I walked away from there shocked and confused and overall upset. And of course Ryan was at work and I had no one to talk to about it. I texted him and went to Target for some retail therapy (nursing bras and newborn size clothes knowing my baby was going to be little). He finally called and he was so great and supportive (as always). As I talked to him I was also reminded that earlier in the day I had had my first real thought during this pregnancy of something going wrong. That thought is always in the back of every expecting mother's mind, I'm sure, but it came to the front of mine around noon and suddenly became a real fear. I know now that was Heavenly Father preparing me for what the doctor had to say. That was the only thing that got me through accepting that this is what I needed to do for our little one. That, and I hadn't gained any weight for at least a month.
You may wonder why I was so hesitant to be induced. Having a baby is exciting, right? I now knew exactly when we would get to meet our son or daughter! Well, I was upset for selfish reasons. This entire pregnancy I had been planning on having a natural birth. I just mean no epidural or pain meds, not birthing at home or in a tub or anything like that. That is not my style. My reasoning is just that my body is super sensitive to anything that I put in it and I wanted to be fully functional and myself for the whole birth process. Caffeine, morphine, prescription pain-killers - they all just mess me up physically, mentally and emotionally. I did not want any of that when baby arrived! I had planned and pictured being at home with Ryan for the majority of the contractions and only going to the hospital when the time came. Now, the entire thing was going to be in the hospital and forced. And from what I had heard, contractions when being induced are painful. You don't get to ease into it like with a natural labor. So yes, I didn't want my baby to come because I selfishly wasn't sure I could handle the pain like I had planned.
I didn't sleep hardly at all starting that night or any night leading up to Landon's birth. Ryan and I finished our preparations and prayed the whole time that I would go into labor on my own. I was constantly back and forth with how I felt about being induced and just kept holding on to that prompting from Heavenly Father that I needed to do it for the baby and listen to my doctor. We only told people on a need-to-know basis. The only ones who knew were our employers, a few close friends for my own emotional support, and finally my parents. We at least wanted all of you to be surprised!
The days went on and Ryan and I finally got everything done that we wanted. Over the weekend I was getting cramps and more minor contractions, but never went into labor fully, unfortunately. My last day of work was Friday and Ryan worked a half day on Monday. It was so nice when he came home and we had nothing hanging over our head. We had made all of our preparations and were ready (or as ready as we could be) to meet this kid! I had one last OB appointment at 3:30 where I was still just barely dilated and 50% effaced. We got our final questions answered, had dinner with our friends and dog-sitters, Rob and Melissa, and checked ourselves in to Lakeside Hospital at 7:00 p.m. on Monday as was originally scheduled.
I have got to say, I now understand why people hate hospitals. As soon as I got there, I wanted out. I was hooked up to an IV and had two monitors constantly strapped onto my pregnant belly - one measuring contractions and the other the baby's heart rate. I had never heard of this before, but we went in to the hospital in the evening to begin the induction process by "ripening my cervix." After we were settled in, they checked me one more time and inserted a pill into my cervix that is supposed to help prepare it for birth before starting the full-on induction in the morning. Ryan and I brought movies, games and snacks and were hoping it was going to be a fun night of hanging out. Unfortunately, it was not so. We did play a few games of Monopoly Deal but Ryan was tired and the nurses were constantly in and out. My dear husband fell asleep in the recliner next to me but I knew that with my nerves and the monitors, I was in for a restless night. Around midnight the nurse checked on me again and was happy with my contractions. They were small but coming every minute. She let my body go a little bit longer on its own before inserting a second pill and letting me wait it out until morning.
At 8:00 a.m. my doctor arrived and I was still barely 1 cm dilated and 80% effaced. She broke my water, but we held off on starting any Pitocin. Breaking my water definitely kicked things up a notch. I was still having regular short contractions, but they were much stronger than they had been all night. I tried to eat breakfast, but just didn't have much of an appetite after a sleepless night. The morning slowly passed as we watched TV, walked the halls (which got old really fast going in the same circles), and bounced on the birthing ball. Unfortunately, every time I got up for awhile they would want me back in bed, plugged into the monitors so they could track my contractions. Not only was time moving slowly, but so was my progress. It took until noon to even get to 2 cm dilated. I was definitely starting to feel disheartened because contractions were getting longer but didn't seem to be doing anything. Again I ordered food, but barely touched it. I was getting more and more exhausted and it was getting much more difficult to focus and relax through each contraction. As was my fear with induction, the contractions were the same strength starting at 8:00 a.m. they were just getting longer as the day went on.
After lunch the contractions were getting quite intense and I spent most of my time in the bed just trying to get through each one. The nurse suggested I try to walk around some more, but I didn't have the energy. The last time I tried I got nauseous and almost threw up by the time I got back to my room. All I could do was lay there at this point and breathe. I did get into the jacuzzi tub and that helped immensely. Too bad I was given a 20 minute time limit. They checked me at 3:00 and I was only up to 3 cm dilated. That is when the self-doubt really started coming. Due to the slow progress, the nurse suggested I consider starting Pitocin. However, I knew that if the contractions got any stronger, as was expected with Pitocin, I couldn't take the pain. I would have to have some sort of pain control. The nurse left and I just started crying.
Now let's pause for a second and praise Ryan and all the husbands out there who have to watch their wives go through labor. I could not have asked for a better man to be by my side through all of this and I owe him so much credit for getting me through it. As much pain as I was in, it just broke my heart when he started to cry as well knowing that he couldn't do anything to help me. He was so sweet the entire time and did exactly what I asked him to do. I told him going into it with the hope of a natural birth that I would get to the point where I would tell him I was done and that I couldn't take any more pain. It was his job to remind me how far I'd come and that I had the strength to continue. I know what a struggle this had to be for him because he's a sucker and gives in to my every wish. But there he was, having to encourage me on and watch me suffer knowing that I wanted to give up. Whew, I just had to go take a moment to wipe my eyes even writing this because I get emotional every time I think about him being there with me. He really is the only reason I was able to make it through the whole labor process with no epidural. He was amazing and I couldn't have asked for a better support or husband.
Once I said I had given up, he did ask the nurse what pain management options there were besides an epidural, only because he just wanted me to hear them. They weren't great options so he continued to distract me and help me get through each contraction and each minute. Another hour had passed and again, I was just exhausted. The nurse checked at 4:15 p.m. and I was up to 4.5 cm. She was elated! I had told her how my mom had fast labors at the end. Oftentimes Lukes would progress from 6 to 10 cm in around an hour. Knowing this, my sweet nurse was just hoping I would continue in the same pattern. Hence her excitement for 4.5 cm. All I could think about though, was what if it didn't suddenly go quickly? I couldn't take another 5 hours of contractions to get to 10 cm. Ryan suggested some more jacuzzi time and I obliged. After my 20 minutes, I climbed back into bed where I was so tired, I would fall asleep in between contractions despite how painful they were. Then, I started shivering uncontrollably. The nurse had told us earlier in the day that sometimes that happens and it's just hormones taking over and your body really kicking into high gear. That was exactly what was going on because before I knew it I was in the worst pain of my life and just sweating immensely. Ryan grabbed a clipboard and stood by my side fanning me as I just screamed and could not relax or breathe through the contractions as I had been.
This is where I lost total track of time or what was going on around me. I believe that these crazy contractions went on for 20-30 minutes all while Ryan just looked on and fanned as hard as he could. He jokes that he pulled a muscle with how hard he was working! A different nurse stopped in because she could hear me from the hallway (yeah... I was screaming that loud). Ryan said our nurse was supposed to be in in just a few minutes which is why he hadn't paged anyone. It was right about that same time that I said that I felt like I needed to push. My nurse came in, took one look and said it was time! Just like my mom, I had progressed from 5 to 10 cm really in about 30 minutes. My doctor had another delivery earlier so thankfully she was there in no time. Before I knew it, they were ready and I was ready and the pushing began! As painful as it was, I loved being able to know when I was supposed to be pushing and having total control of the situation. I even had a moment to smile for a picture.
From there on I was back in my own world focusing on my breathing and relaxing but I heard them mention that he baby's heart rate was dropping as I would push so they turned me onto my side to help. Twenty minutes of pushing later, the doctor held up our baby and we both saw immediately that it was a BOY! The second thing I noticed was that he had hair - curly blonde hair!
He was put on my chest and I was so overwhelmed with love for this little child. He was perfect and healthy and didn't look like an alien baby! You know what I'm talking about. :) The nurses and doctor took care of everything they needed to do and then just left us with our little family of three. Landon didn't take long to figure out how to latch and we spent the next two hours with just us. It was so wonderful! I loved cuddling my baby and I didn't feel any pressure to stop.
This whole pregnancy was a piece of cake. I really can't relate to any of the pregnancy woes. And yes, I know how incredibly lucky I am. I had maybe a total of ten nights where sleep was a little more difficult, I only threw up three times (which were all mine own fault), had minor heartburn a few times, only gained 25 pounds, no stretch marks and never hit the swelling stage. Hence, when I got to the doctor at my 38 week check up and was told she wanted to induce me I was shocked. I wasn't at that "I'm-so-uncomfortable-get-this-baby-out-of-me" stage. Or anywhere near it! The whole time my stomach was measuring mostly on track, a little on the small side. At 37 weeks my belly measured 36 cm but she wasn't concerned. But, at 38 weeks as soon as she had the tape measure out I could see on her face that something wasn't right. My belly had shrunk to 34 cm. She sent me in to do an ultrasound and everything seemed to be checking out just fine and I was feeling better about things. The baby was estimated at only 5 lbs 11 oz which is in the 11 percentile. Fine by me, I love little babies. The doctor came back in after she had looked at the results and confirmed that everything looked healthy. Hence my shock when her next words were, "I'd like to induce you at 39 weeks."
My heart sank and oh how I wished I wasn't alone at that point. I was glad the nurse wasn't in there and it was just the two of us. She's LDS as well and somehow that was the little bit of comfort that I needed at that time. She could then tell by the look on my face that that was not what I wanted to hear. Her reasoning wasn't just that the baby was small, but that the baby was no longer growing at the rate it should and it would be healthier to be out of the womb than in it. It was also a preventative measure in case the placenta was detaching or anything like that. I get it, I want a healthy baby, but it was just a shocking surprise after having no issues this entire time. And I just wasn't convinced that this was the best option. We ended the conversation with her saying she'd be praying that I'd go into labor on my own before then, but that her nurse would be setting up an appointment for me to begin the induction process at 7:00 p.m. on Monday March 24.
You may wonder why I was so hesitant to be induced. Having a baby is exciting, right? I now knew exactly when we would get to meet our son or daughter! Well, I was upset for selfish reasons. This entire pregnancy I had been planning on having a natural birth. I just mean no epidural or pain meds, not birthing at home or in a tub or anything like that. That is not my style. My reasoning is just that my body is super sensitive to anything that I put in it and I wanted to be fully functional and myself for the whole birth process. Caffeine, morphine, prescription pain-killers - they all just mess me up physically, mentally and emotionally. I did not want any of that when baby arrived! I had planned and pictured being at home with Ryan for the majority of the contractions and only going to the hospital when the time came. Now, the entire thing was going to be in the hospital and forced. And from what I had heard, contractions when being induced are painful. You don't get to ease into it like with a natural labor. So yes, I didn't want my baby to come because I selfishly wasn't sure I could handle the pain like I had planned.
I didn't sleep hardly at all starting that night or any night leading up to Landon's birth. Ryan and I finished our preparations and prayed the whole time that I would go into labor on my own. I was constantly back and forth with how I felt about being induced and just kept holding on to that prompting from Heavenly Father that I needed to do it for the baby and listen to my doctor. We only told people on a need-to-know basis. The only ones who knew were our employers, a few close friends for my own emotional support, and finally my parents. We at least wanted all of you to be surprised!
The days went on and Ryan and I finally got everything done that we wanted. Over the weekend I was getting cramps and more minor contractions, but never went into labor fully, unfortunately. My last day of work was Friday and Ryan worked a half day on Monday. It was so nice when he came home and we had nothing hanging over our head. We had made all of our preparations and were ready (or as ready as we could be) to meet this kid! I had one last OB appointment at 3:30 where I was still just barely dilated and 50% effaced. We got our final questions answered, had dinner with our friends and dog-sitters, Rob and Melissa, and checked ourselves in to Lakeside Hospital at 7:00 p.m. on Monday as was originally scheduled.
I have got to say, I now understand why people hate hospitals. As soon as I got there, I wanted out. I was hooked up to an IV and had two monitors constantly strapped onto my pregnant belly - one measuring contractions and the other the baby's heart rate. I had never heard of this before, but we went in to the hospital in the evening to begin the induction process by "ripening my cervix." After we were settled in, they checked me one more time and inserted a pill into my cervix that is supposed to help prepare it for birth before starting the full-on induction in the morning. Ryan and I brought movies, games and snacks and were hoping it was going to be a fun night of hanging out. Unfortunately, it was not so. We did play a few games of Monopoly Deal but Ryan was tired and the nurses were constantly in and out. My dear husband fell asleep in the recliner next to me but I knew that with my nerves and the monitors, I was in for a restless night. Around midnight the nurse checked on me again and was happy with my contractions. They were small but coming every minute. She let my body go a little bit longer on its own before inserting a second pill and letting me wait it out until morning.After lunch the contractions were getting quite intense and I spent most of my time in the bed just trying to get through each one. The nurse suggested I try to walk around some more, but I didn't have the energy. The last time I tried I got nauseous and almost threw up by the time I got back to my room. All I could do was lay there at this point and breathe. I did get into the jacuzzi tub and that helped immensely. Too bad I was given a 20 minute time limit. They checked me at 3:00 and I was only up to 3 cm dilated. That is when the self-doubt really started coming. Due to the slow progress, the nurse suggested I consider starting Pitocin. However, I knew that if the contractions got any stronger, as was expected with Pitocin, I couldn't take the pain. I would have to have some sort of pain control. The nurse left and I just started crying.Now let's pause for a second and praise Ryan and all the husbands out there who have to watch their wives go through labor. I could not have asked for a better man to be by my side through all of this and I owe him so much credit for getting me through it. As much pain as I was in, it just broke my heart when he started to cry as well knowing that he couldn't do anything to help me. He was so sweet the entire time and did exactly what I asked him to do. I told him going into it with the hope of a natural birth that I would get to the point where I would tell him I was done and that I couldn't take any more pain. It was his job to remind me how far I'd come and that I had the strength to continue. I know what a struggle this had to be for him because he's a sucker and gives in to my every wish. But there he was, having to encourage me on and watch me suffer knowing that I wanted to give up. Whew, I just had to go take a moment to wipe my eyes even writing this because I get emotional every time I think about him being there with me. He really is the only reason I was able to make it through the whole labor process with no epidural. He was amazing and I couldn't have asked for a better support or husband.
Once I said I had given up, he did ask the nurse what pain management options there were besides an epidural, only because he just wanted me to hear them. They weren't great options so he continued to distract me and help me get through each contraction and each minute. Another hour had passed and again, I was just exhausted. The nurse checked at 4:15 p.m. and I was up to 4.5 cm. She was elated! I had told her how my mom had fast labors at the end. Oftentimes Lukes would progress from 6 to 10 cm in around an hour. Knowing this, my sweet nurse was just hoping I would continue in the same pattern. Hence her excitement for 4.5 cm. All I could think about though, was what if it didn't suddenly go quickly? I couldn't take another 5 hours of contractions to get to 10 cm. Ryan suggested some more jacuzzi time and I obliged. After my 20 minutes, I climbed back into bed where I was so tired, I would fall asleep in between contractions despite how painful they were. Then, I started shivering uncontrollably. The nurse had told us earlier in the day that sometimes that happens and it's just hormones taking over and your body really kicking into high gear. That was exactly what was going on because before I knew it I was in the worst pain of my life and just sweating immensely. Ryan grabbed a clipboard and stood by my side fanning me as I just screamed and could not relax or breathe through the contractions as I had been.
This is where I lost total track of time or what was going on around me. I believe that these crazy contractions went on for 20-30 minutes all while Ryan just looked on and fanned as hard as he could. He jokes that he pulled a muscle with how hard he was working! A different nurse stopped in because she could hear me from the hallway (yeah... I was screaming that loud). Ryan said our nurse was supposed to be in in just a few minutes which is why he hadn't paged anyone. It was right about that same time that I said that I felt like I needed to push. My nurse came in, took one look and said it was time! Just like my mom, I had progressed from 5 to 10 cm really in about 30 minutes. My doctor had another delivery earlier so thankfully she was there in no time. Before I knew it, they were ready and I was ready and the pushing began! As painful as it was, I loved being able to know when I was supposed to be pushing and having total control of the situation. I even had a moment to smile for a picture.
From there on I was back in my own world focusing on my breathing and relaxing but I heard them mention that he baby's heart rate was dropping as I would push so they turned me onto my side to help. Twenty minutes of pushing later, the doctor held up our baby and we both saw immediately that it was a BOY! The second thing I noticed was that he had hair - curly blonde hair!
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| Wiping my mascara tears |
Finally, it was time to switch to the recovery room and that's when they finally weighed and measured him. Our beautiful Landon was a perfect 6 lb 9.5 oz and 20 in. long. Thanks to not having an epidural I was able to immediately get up and watch him be measured and walk to the other room on my own. Despite the pain, the end result was exactly what I wanted. But would I do it again with no pain meds? Had you asked Ryan and I that night, we both said no. But the funny thing is how time erases the pain especially as you stare at the amazing baby that was a result of all your hard work. So if you asked me today, I'd probably say yes!
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And I suppose this is where I should leave you for now!
Hopefully in the next few days I'll catch you all up on just how wonderful life has been at home with this adorable kiddo.
